I don’t know really where to begin with this one.
I had made plans to go out to the local watering hole with my roommates after the fight, and after them calling me to remind me of the fact, I started making my way to the bar. About 10 mins after that call, I received another call from SirenX, she informed me that she was at the Blarney Stone and I should meet her and “hot MILF” friend. I arrive at the bar, not really knowing what I was going to get into but telling myself that I would ride this one out and fight my intuition to bail. Basically, I would stay well past when I usually would to see if anything interesting would happen.
I get to the bar and find my roommates, two of my roommates are dating and the other has a girlfriend, so they are doing the couple thing at the table. I walk up and they tell me that they are getting fucked up and then stare back at the band on stage, like deer in headlights. I size the situation and determine that couple land is fucking boring and I need a drink.
I get a beer and go hunting for SirenX, I find her in the corner of the bar, drinking and cavorting with her friend, who we will call Melly, the “Hot MILF”. I walk up and introduce myself and start chit-chatting with the both of them. Now, I don’t know either of these women at all so I don’t know what to expect. SirenX looks like her pictures and is sober.
Melly is fucking trashed, I don’t know if she remembers her own name nor where she is but she’s still standing and she still drinking. She looks like at one point in her life she was hot, but that time, kids, drugs, drink and sex with EVERYONE have taken their toll. She looks like an old hooker; in fact, she could be an old hooker as she’s at least 50 and is missing teeth. SirenX has been around the block but Melly looks like she was the block you ran around on.
So I am sitting there talking to them and out of the blue, Melly stuffs a dollar bill into my front shirt pocket and pats it and looks me in the face. I give SirenX one of those “what the fuck is going on with your friend looks” and she leans over to tell me that Melly wrote her number on that dollar for some random guy who didn’t come back. Great, now Melly has her sights on me. I decided that I would never call Melly, but I’m keeping the dollar for evidence.
I just give you the highlights of the rest of the night.
- It’s closing time, SirenX says we should go to her house and get stoned. I agree as I’ve found out that I can walk back to my house from where she lives and I want to get high. So it’s SirenX, Melly, Rob (there friend) and myself
- We go to her house its trashed (wow, imagine that) and she informs us that we need to keep it down because of her roommates and her son are asleep.
- Melly keeps saying weird things, like “I can make a whole prison horny” to which SirenX quips, “Yeah, there are a lot of hot guys in prison”. I kept pushing trying to see if a) any of them have ever hooked up on a prison visit (they haven’t) or b) have been to prison themselves (they haven’t).
- SirenX then says, we need to do something outrageous for a story. I am thinking at this point that they may involve me in some sort of three-some to which, I want no part. I am picky about women and Melly is well below my standards for even hanging out with plus there is a kid in the house.
- SirenX pulls out a sex swing
- SirenX suggests that someone do a “dry run” of the sex swing and then Melly pulls SirenX out of the room and they go into the bathroom for like 20 mins
- When they come out, Melly is all over me, putting her hand on my leg, telling me that my shirt is making her horny (WTF?) and all other sort of hooker trash foreplay
- SirenX and Rob, leave, I’m bored so I sit down in the swing. Melly immediately tries to pull my pants off.
- I pull them back on and get up, she tells me that I am “a Republican” because I don’t want her to give me head
- She keeps trying, I go into other room and people start saying, “that was fast” to which I respond, “nothing happened”
- Melly launches into a 20 min rant about which condoms taste good, she tells me that she knows this because, “I have a lot of sex”. She proceeds to dig thru a purse and pull out different condoms, ripping them open and trying to get me to taste them. I guess she thought this was foreplay because she came at me again.
- This is when I decided to walk home.